I’m dipping my toes back into the writing world. I’ve had to take a break, for a number of reasons (I talked a little about it in my Coffee Share this past weekend), but I know it’s time to start easing myself back into writing, of any form.
I’ve been thinking some about the kind of writing I do. I have a deep interest in writing fiction, but the stories aren’t flowing as strongly as they once were. It’s probably a combination of things – my depression and anxiety have been running pretty rampant this year, and I’ve had a pretty full schedule between Jamberry work, my day-job, figuring out some health issues and social things. So my energy has been pretty drained, making it hard to muster up what I need to do my writing. There also is a distinct lack of “free time.” Not to mention I haven’t been reading as much (damn you, depression, making it so I am not able to really become engrossed in a book), which has traditionally been one of my fiction-writing-inspiration-points.
More and more, probably because of many of those same factors, I’ve been finding myself drawn to the idea of writing non-fiction. I have moments where I think that things I’m going through, things I have knowledge of, might be of interest to others. But that instantly gets knocked down by fear (thanks anxiety). What if I don’t actually have something worth saying? What if what I have to say isn’t of interest to anyone else? What if… what if… what if…. And my writing ambitions get swallowed up by the fear that those things I have to say – some of them quite important to me and my life-journey -will be discredited and torn apart. That someone will say that I’m wrong, and therefore, somehow, invalidate all that I think and feel on a topic.
It’s ridiculous, I know, but it’s a fear nonetheless.
When I’m writing fiction it’s easy (well, easier) to shrug things off if someone else doesn’t like what I’ve written. “Not the target audience,” can be a wonderfully comforting phrase. It’s also easier to separate from myself. While my fiction is certainly infused with my reality, drawing from what I ‘know,’ it is still something separate from myself. Non-fiction is much closer, at least the sort I’ve been thinking about writing, and so the risk factor becomes so much higher.