At least for a time! We’ll see if I manage to keep up the modest writing goals I’m setting for myself this week.
Join me for some coffee. It’s been a while, I’ve just been having a hard time keeping up with everything on my plate.
I’ll be honest, in large part it’s been because of my own energy. I have some health issues going on that have been draining. Trying to figure out what’s been up with my health has meant trying out some new medications to see what my bodies response is to it. It’s been nice to have doctors willing to be working with me to figure it out, since symptoms have been increasing over the last year I really feel like figuring out what’s going on is hitting a really important point.
Part of that has also been being kinder to myself. Reminding myself that I have the energy I have, and it’s okay to decide that certain things are more important to spend my energy on than others. It’s been hard, because some of those things that I have decided it’s not worth my energy right now are things I really want to do. Like working on my novel.
It just takes a lot of energy and focus to write. Particularly at the stage I’m in now with it, where I have to do a bit more background work and figure out some particular details to make the rewrites worthwhile. The focus and attention that kind of work needs is exhausting. Don’t get me wrong, I love to do it – I have these moments know where I feel actual longing for those nights and weekends I used to have where I would completely lose myself in the inner-workings of a story. Emerging from my computer only for the occasional meal, or more coffee or wine. It’s this feeling like no other when you are so embedded in a story that it begins to take over your dreams, and you find yourself playing scenes in your head during the day.
But I haven’t had the energy to even get started on it. I have had to decide how much I’m willing to wear myself down – and what it takes for writing keeps landing just on the other edge of the line of reasonable.
I’ve had moments of more energy, started to have some dreams and visions of what I could do with this blog if I were able to dedicate my focus on it more. I’ve had ideas and insights (here and there) about the novel, and would like to get back to it. My hope is that by the end of the summer I’ll have gotten myself to a place where all of that is possible.
I’m likely rambling (more than a bit) here. How about something more solid? This weekend is kind of exciting, it’s punctuated by a retirement party for my mom. After 20+ years working as a Director of Religious Education she’s moving into retirement and the church is throwing a party for her. It’ll be fun to be there with her for her day – I grew up in that church, and have been back on and off through adulthood, so I anticipate a number of familiar faces and perhaps some from the past.
What are you up to this weekend? Any plans?
This week marks another one of those busy weeks for me at work, though the “busy” weeks have been considerably less stressful than they used to be. And the week after that… well, I’ll tell you all about that NEXT weekend 🙂